I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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