I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it was like eating out sand paper
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
