So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Someone came in the potted fern
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
