K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
