At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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