Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
