I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
