Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
