totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
