If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
