she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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