so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
