My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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