Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
