You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize