gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
