i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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