This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
