No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
