Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
