I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
