Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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