last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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