Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
