Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
