if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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