bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The air was thick with penises
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
