i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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