I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
