so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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