Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
