i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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