Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
