can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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