distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
