I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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