i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
