shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
