I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
