i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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