The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
