its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize