Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
