It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
