i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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