Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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