Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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