Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I love you. Go after that dick
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
