But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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