I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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