We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize