I'm going to rape someone's good day.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize