Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
