I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
