I should be sponsored by Trojan
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
