Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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