Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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