So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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