you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's shark week go big or go home
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
