1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
