White coat. Heels.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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