she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
