dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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