Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
