did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
