oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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