My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
