Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
