how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
