im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
this will be a night to untag.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
