someone threw a dead crab at me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
