Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
