i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
