In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
