I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
