Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
