Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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