He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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