If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
