dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
