o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
