My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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