I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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