threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize